Dr. Allan Horowitz, published newspaper article, Richmond Hill Liberal, Copyright September 15, 1988

Last week I began an answer to a lady who wrote to ask about the low back pain her husband experienced whenever they had sex. In the last column I went over some of the possible causes of his pain (spinal disorders, tight muscles, sex positions, poor mattress, anxiety, organic disease, psychosomatic disorder, etc.) and in today’s column I will go into further details of some suggested remedies.

For each of the possible causes of your husband’s pain there is a different suggestion I have for the two of you, but the first step is to go to a doctor or chiropractor and have a thorough examination of your husband’s spine and pelvis.

If there is a problem with the spinal joints then sometimes one or two sessions of manipulation will completely alleviate all symptoms. X-rays may reveal a congenital fusion of vertebrae or other birth defect which might be the cause of the pain.

Postural or muscular problems will also be detected or ruled out at this exam. Once his spine and pelvis receive a clean bill of health, the next step is to experiment with different sex positions.

A community newspaper is no place to be offering suggestions on this topic but I can say that if it hurts, then don’t do it. There are several books available with descriptions of sexual positions that might not put any stress on your husband’s back. Try some of these and don’t be afraid to experiment.

CHECK MATTRESS

If your mattress is more than five years old, it might be time to consider replacing it with a firmer one. Mattress companies claim that their mattresses are good for 25-30 years, however, in actual use, five to 10 years is more like it.

If your husband has either a very sedentary job or a very physical one, it would be a good idea to examine his daily routine to see if you can find any clues.

If he sits behind a desk all day and then walks in the house and says, “C’mon, let’s go to bed” then his back is probably too stiff and not loose enough to perform like he wished he could.

If, on the other hand, he chops logs all day long, his back will likewise be in no shape for sex without first preparing properly.

If your husband has either a sedentary or very active occupation there are a couple of things he should try before going to bed.

A relaxing, hot bath will relax and loosen tight, sore muscles. Some simple toe-touching or back stretching exercises will also be beneficial.

MASSAGE MAY HELP

            If, during sex you sense that your husband is tensing his back muscles more than normal, tell him to relax and maybe massage the muscles for him.

If nothing I have mentioned so far has helped the problem and the chiropractor and medical doctor both could not help him, then I suggest you both seek help from a psychotherapist.

Even though you will both deny that it is possible, it might be that a psychological problem is standing in the way of a happy sex life for the two of you.

A sex therapist recommended by your doctor will evaluate the situation and determine if your husband’s pain is stemming from organic or psychological causes.

I wish you luck in your endeavors to solve this problem. Keep in mind that you are not the only ones who have this complaint.

It is very common and the sad thing is that because of the embarrassing nature of the problem, very few couples seek professional help.

This puts a large strain on even the best marriage and what could be a very curable situation is left untreated until it is too late to help. Don’t give up until you solve the problem.