Dr. Allan Horowitz, published newspaper article, The Liberal, Copyright July 3, 1991

Last week’s column outlined some of the difficulties encountered when shopping in a ‘mall.’ That word I just placed in quotation marks strikes fear and even terror in the hearts of many, me included.

Besides the common problems associated with the ‘mall’ (parking, crowds …) there are several things to be careful about if you want to avoid ‘mallitis.’

Mallitis is a condition which results in generalized aches and pains after spending time ‘malling.’ Mailing is an activity one does in the mall. You get the idea.

Here are some more hints in addition to those given last week. If you see a shopping cart, grab it. Hang on forever. It gives you something to lean on, put your parcels in, put your feet up on when you are standing and if you have small children it is considered a luxury vehicle. Many malls don’t have these carts available. Maybe they scratch their pretty marble floors!

Don’t plan to spend too much time in the mall. Buy what you want and leave.

Window shopping in a mall is very tiring. Make a list before you leave home. Know where the stores that you need are located and park your car by that entrance. Do your shopping and leave.

TAKE BREAKS

If you must spend extra time in the mall, plan to take frequent breaks from walking and standing.

Find a bench or chair and sit. If you can put your feet up without drawing too much attention to your state of fatigue, it is a good idea.

REST FEET

If your back is sore, bring your knees up to your chest or sit cross legged on the bench. If you have a parcel to put on the floor and can place your feet upon it, that will also help lessen your back strain.

If you can wear running shoes, dress properly (refer to last week’s column), spend as little time as possible in the mall, and rest whenever you need to, your mall experience might be a little more pleasant than mine usually are.

If you are one of the unfortunate people who actually have to work inside a mall, you should spend as much time as possible off your feet.

Every chance you get you should go outside, find a comfortable place to sit down and rest your poor, tired, stiff, overworked back and leg muscles.

Get some fresh air, find a newspaper and try to find a job outside of the mall.

Every day doctors and chiropractors hear complaints from patients which are related to everyday activities.

When one wanders around a mall, just to kill some time, or perhaps to purchase some items that could have been purchased elsewhere, I call it ‘malling.’

Malling is now a very common causative factor in many types of muscle and joint pains.

FOLLOW GUIDELINES

Stop malling or decrease your malling and you will feel better. If you must mall, follow the guidelines above and good luck.

By the way, if anyone wants to start a campaign to bring back the nice, friendly neighborhood store, I would be pleased to help with the campaign.

One day I hope that malls will have gone the way of the dinosaur.